I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
