how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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