Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
