you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
