is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
