my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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