I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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