Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
