You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
