Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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