The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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