It's a beautiful day for a hangover
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
