East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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