I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
