I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
