Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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