I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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