dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
