She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
