my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
