I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
