So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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