You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
