Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
