I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
