the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Randomize
