it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
