Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
