Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
