I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
