Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Randomize
