I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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