that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
