people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
this is an emotional support booty call
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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