Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
