Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
