Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm always down for nudity.
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