I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
