just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
