You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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