they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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