dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
