I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
