Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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