The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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