Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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