I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
