Swine flu. Run for my life!
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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