My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I think my vagina is haunted
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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