Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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