Dual....:-)
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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