dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
