just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
