Me. At least after what I've been through.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
