Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
