We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Blow job season was short but glorious.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
