Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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