Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
