I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
