Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
