We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
