I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
that may or may not have been my penis.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
