I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize