Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
